Jingle All the Way
Silly Yet Surprisingly Fun - 5/10
By 1996 Arnold Schwarzenegger had already established himself as a comedic force, alongside his hulking action-star persona. Over the last eight years he had starred in comedies Twins, Kindergarten Cop, and Junior. And after Tim Allen’s successful turn as Scott Calvin in 1994’s The Santa Claus, it only made sense for Arnold to try his hand at a holiday comedy romp.
While Schwarzenegger is the big box office draw, the cast is filled with quite the assortment of actors. Arnie plays a workaholic Howard Langston, who struggles to maintain a work-life balance, and we quickly learn has repeatedly disappointed both his wife and his young son by not being there when it counts. Langston’s wife is portrayed by Rita Wilson (who also played the volleyball in Castaway), and his son is played by a young Jake Lloyd, who three years later would “Yippee!” his way to box office stardom as a child Anakin Skywalker in The Phantom Menace.
We quickly find out that Arnie has forgotten to pick up his son’s most desired Christmas present, and of course the hottest toy of the year: Turbo-Man. And so Schwarzenegger heads out into the wilds of American consumerism on the morning of Christmas Eve, to begin his epic journey to find a Turbo-Man doll, which is, of course, sold out everywhere.
While Arnie’s search for Turbo-Man makes its twists and turns, the B-story of the movie involves his wife and their overly-cheerful neighbor, played by SNL superstar Phil Hartman in one of his last roles. His unrequited pining for Arnold’s wife runs alongside the main plot throughout the movie, eventually resulting in Rita Wilson hitting him in the head with a thermos. Hartman, as always, is a delight and master of comedic delivery.
Arnie’s main comedic foil is a disgruntled mailman looking desperately for the same toy, played by comedian Sinbad. They’re interactions are over the top, yet goofy enough to be entertaining slapstick. Throughout their search for Turbo-Man they end up in a human stampede in The Mall of America, a police standoff at a radio station (the DJ is played by Martin Mull) which results in a mail bomb being detonated, and their journey culminates in jet-pack flying absurdity at the holiday parade downtown.
Along the way we meet Jim Belushi, playing a con-man Santa Claus. Two familiar faces from Seinfeld have minor roles. Danny Woodburn (who plays Mickey in seven Seinfeld episodes), plays a cranky con-man elf. And Phil Morris (who plays lawyer Jackie Chiles in five Seinfeld episodes) as Gale Force, the weatherman (get it?) hosting the news coverage of the holiday parade.
We also have a cameo from Paul Wight, better known as The Big Show to wrestling fans over the last twenty-five years, as a massive Santa who fights Schwarzenegger. Conversely, the smallest Santa in the counterfeit toy operation, is played by an uncredited Verne Troyer, who a few years later would find success playing Mini-Me in the Austin Powers franchise.
One last interesting cameo is the actor portraying Turbo-Man in the film’s opening, which is a mock-up of a ridiculous Turbo-Man television show, and the titular character is played by Daniel Riordan, who video game aficionados might know as the voice of Alduin in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.
If you haven’t seen Jingle All the Way and are looking for a light evening of absurd Christmas slapstick, then I definitely recommend sitting down to give this movie a watch. The characters lack depth and develop nowhere. The acting largely limps the movie along to the next joke or pratfall. But Sinbad and Arnie play reasonably well off each other to be amusing, and Hartman is a twist of comic zest. The Christmas vibes will keep you warm on a cold December night. And though this may not find it into the rotation of beloved Christmas classics your family watches every year, it’s a spectacle that deserves your attention at least once.
